No Thoughts Please

I glanced out the train's window just to get a breather. The manuscript was a real killer, actually a right pain to read. I had thought too much about what Zorg meant, what SHEEP meant, what anything really meant. What was life, what was the meaning, the purpose to existence? If everything was to eventually cease what was the point of living? Did everyone have a soul? Why were some people referred to as being soulless? Was there really a soul, and even a collective soul? What would a collective soul entail? How would it work? It sounded like some communist crap. If I have two cows and your neighbour has no cows then I would give him one of my cows so we are equal. If my cow died, why then my neighbours cow would have to die as well so collectively we remained equal. Things didn’t work like that.

I had these idyllic notions in my head, what the world should be like, how mankind should treat each other, and what laws should govern the masses. I knew my notions were likely to fail, you have to have power over the masses and yet you can't exert too much control, you had to make it look like the masses were in power through covert control. There was great complications, life was not as simple as waking up, eating, or having a shit, there were all these systems and subsets built into society, ideas and formalities that were never even thought of or considered. If one was to look at it from a cynical point of view we were controlled and manipulated to think and act a certain way and when we thought we were acting on our own initiative and using our head it was only because we had been programmed to think so. If one was think about it we were all mindless robots and that was a pretty bleak picture. Perhaps thinking outside the box was really still thinking inside the box. When one thought too much on who really had control – society or the person it made ones head hurt. Overthinking? What an odd word, my doctor had described it as a condition. It was bizzazre, though the more I thought about it the more I realised that I was afflicted with such a thing. It was driving me over the edge. It was too much -time for a little time out.

Outside flocks of sheep dotted the green, rolling hillside. I thought about the colour green, perhaps the colour had some significance - maybe it contained a memory? I shook my head as i continued to stare, only this time my eyes zoomed past the sheep over the hills and into the sea-blue sky where nothing existed in my mind only a deep empty nothingness that pulled apart body and mind, that ripped apart all I had ever known.

No thoughts, no inward struggle, no "Who am I?" questions or a childlike 'Why?"

It was dark, like I had wandered into a cave without a torch. I should have been afraid, I should have but I could not come to such a conclusion as I my mind was completely and utterly empty.

Empty...empty...empty...